“Fabulous”
“Let us recap, Great Overlord Xoxxes. Last solar week you lost eighteen star clusters, your Grand Fleet was annihilated around Wilson
The Awakening
Drifting into consciousness from dreamy foetal slumber, the star-traveller sensed rather than saw the myriad of life around it. An opening beckoned, its interior warm and comforting. All became perfect security and sleep once more.
Jaws closed, chewed twice and swallowed.
“Mmm, very tasty.”
“Would Sir care for another?”
“Please.”
Fashion
“…then Cressida said, ’I’m not going anywhere if you wear brown’. Can you believe it?”
“My dear fellow, whatever were you thinking? Excuse me one moment.” His rail cannon bucked into life, the blue-arcing projectile neatly cleaving a Ferrellian heavy lifter two clicks away. Shockwaves hammered.
“Now, where were we?”
Bureaucracy
Sub-deacon Fennell scuttled into the presence of the Grand Patriarch.
“Speak”
“Holy Master, your Celestial Notice to the Nagian Serfs has been duly published, and Cardinal Vasco has been granted Supreme Indulgence to convert the unholy of the Faros Nebula.”
“Cardinal Vasco was declared Arch-heretic last matins.”
“Oh… well, moving on...”
Timing
“Did you see last week’s Flick Fest Awards?”
“No.”
“Do you like Spangletime or Willi Weston?”
“What?”
“What are you doing next shore leave?”
“Not now!”
Klaxons blared as the crippled ship tumbled slowly into the gravity well.
Priorities
Sergeant Dresden belt fed the steaming breach of the auto-cannon. Captain Stenn coolly manoeuvred the heavy barrel in a sweeping arc of white-hot plutonium death. Screams of the dying filled the air, the cupreous scent of fresh blood permeating everything.
“Ah! Nooo!”
“Sir! You okay?”
“I’ve chipped a nail.”
Ratings
The newsreader continued, her voice quavering with emotion.
“…latest reports show large objects striking Nicosia and Geneva. Countless other projectiles from space are impacting all over the world. The origin of these…”
Wayne pressed the remote.
“This is boring. What’s on cable?”
Supersize
“Pitiful human. Do you know not who I am? My sky-fleet hovers above, blocking out the sun! Your doom beckons! Accede now to my demands or feel my boundless wrath!”
“This week only we have a special deal on fries. Would you like to upgrade your order for an extra fifty cents, Sir?”
Hiking
“Well, I used to be Galactic Emperor. You know, on the Fringeworlds. That was until my so-called ‘Grand Chamberlain’ betrayed me to the Earth Alliance, forcing me to abdicate and seek refuge here whilst I plan my revenge. Soon I’ll…(!)”
A well-timed pine branch smacked him full in the face.
Kathleen
“Objective ahead. Caution.”
The trooper nodded, eyes scanning. Silently, a power-lance slammed her to the ground.
Objective forgotten, Ericsson fell to her side. He clumsily covered her smoking chest wound.
“Oh, Kath, no…”
The scene faded. Lighting hummed. Ericsson kneeled alone.
“Retest, Ericsson. Next!”
Ericsson stood, motionless, the tears flowing.
The Food Critic
‘Earth’ presents well and has a pleasing, if isolated, outlook. Dinosaur dishes were plentiful and tasty, but lacked fresh ingredients. Apparently there’s something wrong with stock at present. The mammal dishes were limited and slightly stringy. The medley of tropical vegetation was passable. I give it one moon.
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